Kapan ya?

Kapan ya, gue bisa mandiri? Tiap gue ada kerjaan, yang bikinin pasti orang lain. Entah itu nyokap ataupun supir gue. Yang jelas, campur tangan gue dikit banget. Alasannya? "Buat nilai kamu!"

Barusan gue bilang sama nyokap. Gue disuruh bikin kreativitas buatan tangan sendiri. Gue udah rencana bikin tempat pensil yang (lucu). Tapi, nyokap bilang, "Kamu maunya apa? Nanti suruh mas supir aja bikin." Gimana gak ancur hati gue?

Nyokap juga bilang, "Lumayan buat kerjaan dia besok. Bisa dapet uang juga." UANG? Kalo dapet uang, bukan gitu caranya. Kasih aja ndiri uang mah. Gue gak puas kalo yang bikin orang lain. Gue puas kalo gue yang bikin. Gue bangga kalo gue yang usaha. Gak peduli mau gue begadang semaleman kek.

Dari dulu selalu begitu. Gue gak pernah dikasih kesempatan bikin sendiri. Padahal ide gue banyak. Gue mau bikin sendiri. Yang jujur, yang adil. Waktu kelas 2 SD juga sama. Gue pengen bantuin, tapi malah dibilang ngerecok.

Gue kesel kalo kayak gitu terus. Gue udah muak sama hal-hal yang kayak gitu. Gue ya gue. Orang lain ya orang lain. Gue punya urusan sendiri, orang lain juga.

Extremely ?

Well, do you still remember about 'him'? Yeah, now, I'm rarely good after all. He doesn't know that I was hurt. But, he cures me. And make me better. Then, I finds something.

Before I realized my feeling toward him, I treated him like my older brother. I believed and played with him like he was my older brother. Then, before I write it, I was chatting with him and realized that we were almost like sibling. Like I always want to.

And now, I really realize it. That my first feeling to him.. and my confidence to him... will never fade. Never. Because he is really my "older brother". Because he is really nii-nii. And so, I don't want to lost him anymore. I will keep this feeling. Always.

Lu bener bener ya

Cuy, lu berubah banget ya? Gue nanya begitu bukan berarti gue dongo. Gue cuma mau bercanda sama lu. Emang napa sih? Yang penting kan hasilnya bagus. Lu jadian. Udah, gak usah bawa-bawa gue. Gue gak mau dibawa-bawa sejak lu jadian. Lu gak tau gue suka sama lu. Gue jadi gondok sama lu. Lu bisa kan berubah? Gue juga gak sampe hati ngatain lu.

She is a dog

Gue udah muak sama lu. Lu tai banget. Nyebelin tau gak? Gue kan cuma nanya ada ujian apa gak. Nyari penyakit banget sih. Asal lu tau, lu tuh kayak babi ngepet.

Lu tuh gak tau, kalo gak ada lu di kelas, gak akan ada yang namanya perpecahan! Lu gak ngerti, kalo aja lu gak ada, mereka gak bakal musuhan!! Kalo lu gak ada, kelas tuh damai!

Banci lu. Bersyukurlah gue belum bilang lu whore. Masih punya hati gua!


*I'm sorry, this is brutality side of mine.*

Both

I don't know how I must react. When I knew that he already has girlfriend, really, I'm happy. But, at the same time, I'm sad. Don't know if I sad because he already became couple, or because he will not have so many time to me anymore.

Actually, I know from beginning. I will never be a girlfriend to him. And I never want to like him. Since I know the feeling make our relationship become awkward. I always want to throw my feeling to him, so I can spend my time calm as usual. Because that, I want to thank his girlfriend. To make me throw my feelings necessary, because it was the only way to throw it since I can't do it myself.

I still have something to him. I want him to still become my best friend. I want him to still have time to me. I want him to still become older brother-figure to me. Wait a minute, that was three. Yeah, and I want him to always remember me although if I disappear one day. Even though just my name.

Berubah, iya kan?

Lo udah berubah. Lo gak sama kayak lo yang dulu. Yang selalu nemenin gue. Yang selalu bikin gue nyaman. Yang selalu bikin gue ketawa. Lo kenapa sih? Gue salah sama lo? Ok, gue sama lo jauh. Tapi, kita temen kan? Ok, lo suka sama cewek lain. Tapi, jangan anggep gue gak ada. Gue gak tau lagi harus gimana. Gue Cuma minta dianggep seperti gue temen lo. Cuma temen lama. Bisa, kan?

Now

I'm understand now. Why I never have a love story in my life. (actually I had 1, but let's forget it. I never wanted to have it however.)

I read some blogs by my "friends" (or maybe I must say "seniors"). Don't ask me who. And now, I understand. They have love. Since the day they became lover, they were ready to face the troubles. They are have "putus nyambung" scene. It was very hurt. I can understand it, don't know why. And 1 had a tragic life.

And since the second I read those all, I understand. Maybe, God knew from the beginning. That I can't hold all the burdens. I can't hold the ironic story.

That's why I never got a love. Because, all we take, the rest of all is up to us.